Yesterday I was constantly reminding my three year old to put on her flip-flops as she dashed by me on the deck. My kids were in and out of the pool all day – having fun. I kept telling her, “You’re going to get a splinter.”
This morning, my manifestation was realized. I was not surprised.
I removed many splinters from my own feet, but never from someone else’s – let alone a three year old. Over the years splinter removal has phased out of my life, considering I wear shoes constantly. I’m a little rusty with the tweezers and pin-needle.
I armed myself with the appropriate tools – pin-needle, check; tweezers, check; infinite amount of patients, check.
I instructed my three year old to lie down on the sofa and I began operating with little concern for interruption or complications. I met both head-on within seconds.
And they are no friends of mine.
A rookie mistake
My first attempt at removal was littered with rookie mistakes. I had nothing to distract her with; I was facing the patient; the patient could see me operating or more like fumbling – I have big clumsy hands and it was early; I sterilized the pin-needle in front of her! Picture the longest lighter, in the world, with a huge red handle and me firing it up to sterilize a little pin-needle. To a three year old that must be terrifying. I’m cringing just trying to describe the moment. Life is ironic when it comes to parenting. We make a decision and then fully realize their consequences within moments of our mishap – ah, the joys of parenting.
The need for recruiting during a disaster
Within moments, I realized an inevitable conclusion, I need help. I pulled the mom card and she was there – as always. I turned away from my patient as my nurse consoled my daughter and blocked her from my task. It didn’t work. My daughter kicked and pulled and squirmed and screamed and did everything that a three year old would do during an intense extraction of a ½ inch piece of treated wood from the heel of her foot. We went on for a good five minutes of stopping and starting. I even tried to calm her down and rationalize with her.
“Now sweetie, the more you move around the longer it is going to take daddy to remove the splinter, ok?”
“Ok”
“Are you going to stay still?”
“Yeah”
“Ok, are you ready for another try?”
“Yeah”
Whenever I grabbed her foot she pulled and screamed and kicked and squirmed. I was lost. I looked at my daughter and she back at me and I experienced a moment of clarity. She doesn’t know what a splinter is or how it happened to lodge in her foot. She just sees me with a pin-needle and tweezers holding her foot still and attempting to poke it. She’s never experienced this before; and my youngest daughter does not take new experiences lightly. She’s the cautious one.
A new strategy
I gave her a hug and told her everything was going to be alright. She immediately calmed down and stopped crying. I went into the bathroom, took out the toenail clippers and ran them under hot water for a minute – without her present.
I went back to the couch, asked her to look at mom-mom and I ripped that splinter out of her foot in a single pull.
She let out a ferocious scream; a new one I haven’t heard before. And then she was calm. I showed her the splinter and she got up and walked around shaking her foot. I’m guessing to see if it still worked? She went over to the table and began eating her pancakes and humming a little tune. Her struggle was over.
What I learned
My lesson was an obvious one and I couldn’t believe I missed it. I created this dramatic situation and all she was doing was reacting to it. I pulled out the tweezers, fired up the pin-needle, made her lie down on the sofa, everyone was watching – very dramatic for a three year old. I was more concerned with her being comfortable then just getting it over with as quickly as possible. The mom side of me was my first reaction, and my dad side took over during the “highly dramatic situation.”
Although the lesson was obvious, the way I practice single parenting is altered. I thought being a single parent required a balance between both maternal and paternal instincts. Today I rationalized single parenting requires not only a balance, but knowing which instinctual side to act on pertaining to a situation; and even then, we may need to altar our course depending on the outcome we desire.
I need a cup of coffee.
As usual, if you can share some comments it is greatly appreciated. Have a great Memorial Day.
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Good work! I hate pulling splinters out of my kids or anyone else. I think you handled it really well. Isn’t it funny how right after her scream, she just goes on about her day like it’s no one’s business?
dadshouse’s last blog post..Spoon – My Place Or Yours?
Great post! Good for you for taking control and finding perspective in the middle of the chaos.
PT-LawMom’s last blog post..Kaboom!